Please stand by while I vent frustration in my cowardly, anonymous fashion …
I have a dear friend. A quirky friend. A lovely, admirable friend in many ways. A friend who aspires to create art, write, run a business, and whatever else catches her eye. I would like to see her achieve her dreams.
For years now, she's been caught in a pseudo-business cycle. Here's how it goes:
1. Get bizarre niche product idea such as greeting cards which, when wiggled, illustrate how dogs fornicate.
2. Excitedly talk to friends and acquaintances about idea. Get offended and end friendship when they tell her it's terrible and won't sell.
3. Get extremely specific domain name for business, such as FornicatingDogCards.com. The business and domain name won't be very much different the past five she's started, which include FornicatingCatCards.com and FornicatingDogCollars.com, and I'm darned if I understand why she can't sell all of these philosophically similar products under one heading. But I'm supposed to be a friend and I'm supposed to be supportive, so beyond tentatively bringing the subject up, I keep my mouth shut.
4. Avoid analyzing idea to see whether it has any market appeal and how much it will cost to manufacture and market. Avoid thinking about target markets, how much they'd pay for such a product, and how to reach them.
5. Laboriously create unattractive prototypes which would cost about $15 each to manufacture and would sell for maybe $2.
6. Fantasize about the really cool equipment she might be able to use on this project - how about a laser cutter, high end color printer, video equipment?
7. Drop several thousand dollars on the equipment, without considering whether it's necessary and how much product would have to be sold to break even on it.
8. Spend six months designing a crappy website, including skirmishes with implementing the eCommerce portion in Romania, having the site hijacked by a contractor, and starting over herself.
9. Meet with me for coffee, during which I tentatively suggest taking business classes and I get smacked down.
10. Turn in notice at her current subsistence living gig, often after interpersonal issues which are entirely the other parties' faults.
11. Post product on website - or not.
12. Fail to do any sort of marketing whatsoever.
13. Meet with me for coffee, during which I suggest cheap guerilla marketing techniques which just might help sell some project. I get smacked down.
14. Wonder - or don't wonder - why the product is not selling.
15. Get distracted by a new subsistence living possibility or a new, terrible business idea.
Repeat.
She's almost up to step twelve again. I desperately want to say "Sweetie? Are you serious about actually running a business and turning a profit versus doing serial, expensive projects? If so, please, please, please team up with someone who does marketing. Please just turn your product over to the person, promise 50% of profits or whatever you have to do, and stand back." Any marketing would probably be better than no marketing.
Instead, I bite my tongue.
Not long ago, she told me "We're both going to die destitute."
No, I don't think so. I have no plans for dying destitute, at least not from repeatedly running "businesses" into the ground.
I wish she wouldn't do this. I care about her and I've already had one friend die this way.
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6 comments:
I take it this unnamed friend doesn't read your blog.
I think what you are discovering is the value of unsolicited advice. She's not going to hear you, isn't looking for actual help. I've had people in my life who I've tried to help when I see them repeating a disastrous pattern, but it never works. (And in a way, I get that, since I really hate people offering me advice). I know it's hard to just sit by and nod and watch her run herself into the ground, but I'm wondering if you have another option at this point.
All very well said.
There's another issue, a possible fallacy in my thinking: what if she's perfectly happy with the status quo? What if her real, subconscious goal is not that of running a profitable business, but rather doing sequential projects which catch her eye? If that's the case, why should I rain on her parade?
It's hard to sit by and nod, but perhaps that's exactly what I should be doing.
Thanks for the comment!
Maybe she's mentally ill. I don't say that to be funny, but it seems there's something fundamentally askew here. Self-sabotaging is not pretty. Maybe she IS happy, but her comment about dying destitute certainly doesn't seem to be a happy one.
I agree with Secret Agent Woman, good advice.
You know there are people out there who dream of being successful, they yearn for it, but also go about sabotaging the possibility that they will become so because they think they are not worthy or the idea scares them to death.
Whatever it is, I think she doesn't want your help or advice, she just wants your friendship.
Without sounding harsh here (and I am typing it in a nice voice, not a critical one), as frustrating as it may be to you to do so, you might need to back off and stop worrying about her so much.
The day she comes and says "what am I doing wrong?" is the day you can go in with all of your guns blazing with ideas and solutions. :)
These are all good comments. So, for the upcoming year, I'll work at clicking my heels three times and saying "That sounds like an interesting project! That sounds like an interesting project! ..."
You have the patience of a saint. I would be one of those people with whom she has ended the friendship probably.
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